Sunday, March 16, 2008

Euro Trip '07 - Part 2: München Paradise!

I awoke the next morning shortly before my alarm clock went off. I got ready for the day as Suave summed up the night for me. I got down to breakfast a little later than everyone else to enjoy toast and jam with assorted deli meats and orange juice. This is the biggest breakfast I'll have the entire trip sadly, and I didn't even try to savor it in belief that the following breakfasts would be even better... Let that be a lesson in cherishing each moment.

I followed Mature around the small town over to an automated bank where we got some Euros. I quickly learn the bill/coin amounts in the Euro system as I engage in my first purchase of "carbonated water" at what appears to be the only open store in all of the town; a small bakery. Most of the group members are perplexed by this strange and foreign "carbonated water." I couldn't be happier.

In my home, I grew up having club soda stocked in the fridge and learned over the years of its miraculous healing properties to my digestive system. I buy the last 3 and drink some happily at the disgust of my peers.

Several people are late to the Roaming Home and we leave 30 min. behind schedule. Pimp gives us a lecture on the importance of being "punctual" and that we're on a strict schedule. Few people actually care and I scoff at others' ignorance. Our first stop of the day is Castle Neuschwanstein.

Pimp wakes those who have fallen asleep with his own "chirp" alarm. Pimp produced this chirp from his septlingual mouth with natural ease. Unfortunately I missed my opportunities to get a recording of it during my trip. Blondy(she emerges later) once mentioned to me that she had thought the chirping sound was a call button at the front of the bus used specifically to get everyone's attention. I wondered if her blond hair was cluttering more than just her cute face.

We stop at the base of a long winding road that leads up to the castle. Apparently we're gonna be hiking up this path to get to the castle. The other tourists and local Germans using the path appear to still have their breaths so I figure perhaps it's not so bad. First, we fill up on a quick lunch to make sure we don't starve and get left behind for dear fodder. Here I become more acquainted with Great White and Rack. Rack was nice; on the border of average like Bipolar, but with a HUGE rack. I mean fuck, her tits are almost bigger than her head. I keep my composure, as always, and have a light conversation between the three of us to learn more about her and my chances of hooking up with her. I'm good at listening but I guess her breasts spoke louder because they're the only things I could actually remember about her, even now. Well, that and the fact that she was a virgin apparently.

Bandanna and some other people decide to get a beer before the hike. Knowing that I'm going to need every bit of hydration on my side, I abstain. [Note: I have still not technically imbibed in Europe at this time yet, only on the flight over, and the idea of buying alcohol legally has not yet set into my mind. It still hasn't quite set in now that I'm 21 either.]

We began our trek and I started off doing pretty well. Perhaps too well as I'm ahead of the group. I walk backwards to watch them slowly make their way up while parading my ease. As the incline increases with the same pace I start to lose steam - almost literally. Soon the group passes me up the hill and I have to start taking quick breaks to drink my "carbonated water" and catch my breath. I'm not in the best shape of course but I didn't think I'd have this much trouble. The thought of having to be at the top on time or miss my chance to get into the castle with the group worried me more than motivated me. About 2/3 the way up a horse-drawn carriage passes me with people riding comfortably drinking something that looked fairly good. I curse them out mercilessly...or at least I would have if I still had the ability to yell. I eventually make it to the top and relax with 10 min. to spare. Awesome. I look like I just came out of a shower but probably don't smell like it. Thankfully my Polo Black is holding up through these challenging conditions.

The castle is of course breathtaking and the sights are luscious...[blah blah blah, tourist ramble]. After we tour the place, Pimp recommends going to a bridge that overlooks the castle. I'm not a fan of heights but I swallow my fear. We're really high up when we get there and the boards kinda bend as you walk on it. My fear regurgitates. Mature, a mechanical engineer, reassures me of the integrity of the bridge. We joke as to how the bridge's structure could be re-engineered to instill more confidence in it's users. The walk back down gave me solace in the fact that my feet always had something solid to immediately land on. Now is as good a time as any to mention that Suave(my roommate from the night before) is on this trip with his mom. I mention this here because I took their picture together on the bridge. This tidbit of info is relevant for later.

I grab a few souvenirs and head for the Roaming Home for our next destination. We traveled to a small church in a rural area with chickens wandering around and locals trying to sell more souvenirs to willing tourists. Let's just call this church, Church #1 of ~25 - that sounds like a good estimate. I got nothing against going to churches, but there wasn't much else to do at these kinds of stops but play the stereotypical U.S. traveler type and take pictures of my surroundings. After we stole the souls of every entity within and around the church with our photography, both non/living, we retreated back to the bus and went to our hotel for the evening.

The hotel was nice and resembled something akin to a European-style Comfort Inn. This must have been coincidental though because adjoined directly with the hotel was in fact a Comfort Inn, go figure. For this night and the next, my roommates would be Great White and Tiger Shark. I was somewhat uncomfortable with this choice and was hoping to room with Suave again since he appeared to have a better "wingman" ambiance to him. Great White was the one to break the ice between the three of us as he waved Trojan Magnums under the bathroom door while I was in there and then scattered them on my fold-out couch bed. I was at first perturbed by this until I realized he had done this using his own Magnums and not my own. I pulled my batch from my suitcase to nullify his little prank; to which he replied, "Oh man, you're a Barracuda, man! Nice!" Tiger Shark explained that he and Great White had given each other nicknames in the form of sharks based apparently based on the size of our penises. Why I became "Barracuda" I'm not sure since my Magnums indicated me on the same size-level as great White. I just rolled with though, for it had a certain ring that resounded nicely to me that still does. And henceforth I became Barracuda.

Night seemed to fall rather late, at around 9 I think, but almost instantaneously when it did. With our day over, everyone tried to decide what to do with the rest of the evening. It was quite clear that we all wanted to party - except no one knew where to go in this foreign land. Good ol' Pimp came to our rescue with a suggestion of a Dance Club Strip not too far away. Yeah, there is apparently a whole strip of German-Techno clubs to dance the night away in. Mature organized a small caravan of Mercedes taxis to come pick us up and take us to the clubs. We arrive in the populated strip right by the Q Club and decide to hit it up first. There is another club right next door, but its entrance isn't a giant glowing neon-purple "Q." At this point our group splits up and I went to the Q Club with Mature, Bandanna, Great White, Tiger Shark, IrresponsibleDrunk [IR] and Responsible Drunk [RD] (Friends lol), Red, Model, Masseuse, Bipolar, Rack, RottenLuck, Suave and Suave's Mom, Yacks and OtherGirl. I saw PartyGirl mackin' on Suave at one point, otherwise I wouldn't have known she was there. The others hopped around from club to club.

I believe it was IR who realized at the door that she forgot her passport and had to go back to the hotel to get it with a portion of the group while the rest of us waited outside for their return. During this time, some local guys were trying to get what females were left of the group to go with them into the other club. The girls were smart enough to decline [Read: sober] and the guys didn't push the issue. One of them did try to pick my back pocket in what he thought was a moment where I was purely focused on his friends trying to pick up our girls. I'm not that dense, thanks, and I don't keep anything in my back pocket. And with my hands in my other pockets with stuff, there was nothing he could do without creating a scene. Although I didn't call the guy on this, I told the others so that they could be alert of pickpockets.

When we finally entered the club it was as magical as I had hoped US clubs would be. Thanks to the BS that is the Top 40, US clubs in general will never be as amazing as German-Techno clubs to me. I started off the night with shots of Jager, Tequila, and a RBV or two with the group and hit the dance floor. We stayed near each other to feel comfortable, danced, took photos and drank more. Bipolar "forgot" her boyfriend as she grinded against all the guys she could and tried to hook me up with Rack because we were both virgins. I wasn't against it, but Rack's perplexed facial expression and lack of a clear "yes" or 'no" answer told me I should forget it.

Undaunted, I meandered through the crowds looking for someone to dance with when I realized I couldn't directly ask anyone in English because they may not understand me. Now daunted, I got another RBV and wandered about some more. One thing that didn't seem to change between US and German clubs was the amount of available women [Note: my definition of "available" may differ from others]. I decided to dance up on a platform area that may not have been meant to be dance on, but the people already dancing there made it seem OK. Just as I'm beginning to kinda have fun again, some German guy starts shouting up at me to come down. He looks nicely dressed and I assume he works for the club. He doesn't look too happy with me and my apparent confusion. When I get down, he yells at me some more in German pointing to the "platform" where many drinks are and the floor where several more now lay. I stare at him in shock and silence as he repeats himself and gestures more. I grasp that he's mad about me spilling the drinks yet he doesn't seem like he wants to throw me out of the place. I finally reply with, "Ummm...I speak English?"

Angry German: "Oh, you speak English? Are you American?"
Ian: "Uh, yes?"
Formerly-Angry German: "OH! DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT THEN!"
Ian: "What? Wait, didn't I spill your drink there?"
Formerly-Angry German: "No! My drink's over there. Come, I'll buy you a shot!"

He introduces himself as Chris and acquaints me with his buddy and girlfriend. We have a round of Jager at his expense, make small talk and take a few pics. When I tell him that I'm leaving town after the next day he offers me a ride to the airport. It took a while for me to explain that I wasn't taking a plane and I didn't need any ride. I don't think he ever really understood my situation. Regardless, I returned to the group to find that half have already gone home and IR is being seduced by four Germans to go back to their place. Mature and I decide it's time to leave soon after and we gather the remaining people outside. RD has to drag IR away from the Germans almost kicking and screaming about how she "can handle herself and there's nothing to worry about her going home with them." Right... She hates all of us and we don't care. Mature and I give a sigh of relief when we safely get everyone back to the hotel.

Tiger Shark, Great White and LadyFish are watching TV from the bed when I arrive to the room. We briefly chatted before going to sleep, and I realized that I was still buzzed from drinking at the club before I fell asleep.

To be continued in Part 3: Leaving Germany and Missing It Already

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Euro Trip '07 - Part 1: The Beginning... (Revised)

I'll start from the beginning as to how I got involved in this.

One day in December of '06 I received a random e-mail from a professor at Ventura College advertising an educational European Tour for the summer of '07. I was initially unimpressed until I read that one of the sites to be visited was the BMW Headquarters in Munich. The thought of getting out of the country for the first time (and going to BMW HQ) while earning units soon won me over and I decided to sign up. It was an excellent decision in hindsight.

Flash forward 6.5 months and a few papers later and I'm at my pre-departure meeting for the trip. I don't know anyone else here but notice that there are some fine looking women in the group (and some not so fine... x_x). I listen to the introductions of everyone around and take note of the two other engineering majors in the group, Mature and Bandana. These guys will become my good friends for the trip and we will drink a lot together. I also meet Great White. He's been doing major volunteer work and is going straight to Africa from Europe to help kids with AIDS or something to that effect.

When the meeting is over and I leave, I suddenly realizes that I am embarking on a once-in-a-lifetime trip that I will always remember. I guess my Spidey-Sense was tingling. A week later and I'm packed and ready to go. I've got all the essentials: toiletries, cloths, money, iPod and PSP. I decide to wear my metal-clasping jean T-shirt through the first leg of the trip.

Metal-Clasping T-Shirt through International Airports POST 9-11.

Yeah. That was fun. As I approach the security checkpoint, I remove everything from my person sans pants, socks and shirt and step through the machine: Beep Beep Beep! "Sir, please step aside." This big 6"3' oafish security guy with slightly buck teeth pulls me aside and has me spread my legs apart and hold my arms out. Without a belt on, my pants are rapidly subduing to gravity and I struggle to find a balance that allows me to stand still while keep my pants up without holding them. I somehow manage this feat and the guard gets to work. He begins to wave his metal detector wand around my Metal-Clasping T-Shirt when he reaches my breast pockets, and their metal clasps and for each one he says the following:

Guard: "Alright man, c'mon...watcha hidin'? Give it up, c'mon..."
Ian: "It's my pocket clasp. My pocket is empty."
Guard: "Aw, my bad man. Alright, alright."

We repeated this small talk for each and every clasp on my shirt, and the metal teeth of my pants' fly. Needless to say I was annoyed but who wouldn't be? However, the smile on his face post-patdown made me wonder if his mind really was on the job...

Another hour or so goes by and I board the plane. British Airways. Nicest coach I've rode in, but it was still coach. I had very little foot room as it was and my carry on luggage crammed below my seat didn't help. I might have stored it overhead had I been in an end seat, but I was in the right-middle in a row of four (For orientation -> O-O-I-O). I sat in between two people that would be on my trip. To my right was an older woman, Lady, around her 50's and to my left was Faded1. Faded1 and I would be drinking together for the first time this flight as the stewards passed those small bottles of alcohol (single-serving minis, here on just minis). To the left of Faded1 was a hot Latina chick (single-serving friend) going to Madrid that happened to be about our age. This was the first time I would envy Faded1 being closer to women than I on this trip. I did my best to stay in the conversation with the Latina chick as much as I could during the 8-hour flight, but I ended up talking with the older woman mostly and/or entertaining myself with my PSP/iPod.

We flew through the night and I didn't get a wink of sleep. I always have trouble sleeping in moving vehicles.

We land in the London airport just slightly ahead of schedule thanks to the tailwinds and I depart for the first time in a foreign land. Too bad I got another flight in 2 hours to Frankfurt, Germany. Having some time, I wander the airport where I spy a "wrong side drive" Ferrari F430 on display for a raffle contest. The woman practically begs me to buy some tickets but I show no interest. I would've liked to talk to her about other things, but remained focused on the time left until I had to get to the security gate.

London Heathrow Airport likes to keep things interesting there by not announcing the gates until 45 min. before loading. Those silly Brits. Naturally the path to my gate is jammed by a "surprise security check" that delays myself and at least half the group from boarding on time.

I remove my shirt entirely this time, exposing my white clasp-less undershirt.

Everyone is in a panic of missing their flights (myself included), though security guards assure us the flights will wait. Whether they all did or not I couldn't say, but mine did so whatever [read: fuck everyone else - Germany here I come!].

This flight is only an hour and a half, and I sit next to the window and Faded2. This will also be the first time I meet Faded2 and Faded3, both friends of Faded1, and we all have minis. After arriving in Frankfurt, we rendezvous with most of the group and meet our wonderfully talented tour guide, Pimp and bus driver Tight. Tight became one of my driving idols for his miraculous maneuvering of a giant tour bus through the oh so narrow streets of Europe. I spy this hot chick in the group that I noticed prior through loading gates standing close to a goofy-lookin' guy. "The fuck? How does a guy like that get a girl like that? I hope they're brother and sister... Whatever."

The two are Red and PartyBro, whom I become good friends with. PartyBro and I will be drinking a lot together this trip. In fact, there are fewer people I didn't drink with this trip. Although at this point in the story I am only involved with Faded1/2/3, and barely remembering Bandana and Mature's names.

We get on the bus to wait for the remaining members where I meet Yacks (and yes she does end up yacking! Fortunately for me I wasn't around her when she did) and the three South Carolina Girls. I try to strike up a conversation with them whereupon I learn they are from South Carolina, and that they are 16 with chaperons. I am 20 and fearing any further involvement end my conversation.

As the group is compiled I end up sitting next to Bipolar on our bus [Roaming Home]. Now Bipolar is barely average looking, so I figure I can practice my charm on her. Just beginning into the conversation she starts up about her boyfriend whom she loves sooooo much. Rather than being detoured by this, I keep going anyway but it's all for not. She shares her crappy rap music from her iPod and I'm annoyed. I try to find solace in the highway we're on since it's the famed German Autobahn. There are plenty of cars passing us but none are of any particular interest to me. I'm now annoyed and disappointed. Bipolar soon tires of sharing her bad music with me and I get a chance to enjoy my own music while trying to rest. Good ol' Eurobeat while riding down the Autobahn. It take a few hours before we arrive at our small town bed & breakfast and I try to get in some rest. I'm unable to fool myself.

When we arrive we get all head inside the small inn where dinner awaits. I sit with some random people from our group for dinner and make friends quickly. We are fed a great potato soup and some strange meat patty. It tastes good so we assume it's a sausage; if it wasn't then i don't wanna be corrected. Room assignments are passed out at the end of dinner and we're all grouped in pairs. It's about 10:30 p.m. and we have to wake at 6:30 a.m. I hate waking early.

My roommate is Suave for the night. He's a tall guy and it's obvious he knows how to hookup with the ladies, so I figure I'm in good company. We move up to our room where I'm struck hard by Jet Lag and the lack of sleep in the past day. I don't even care that our beds are pushed up against each other as to almost be confused for a queen size bed. It's 11 p.m. and he's going out to check out the bars with some of the other members of our group. We agree that if he does hookup to try to bring one back for me. I fall asleep wondering what I'm missing.

This is a quick rundown of what I missed:

The group moved up and down the wide open streets and found a sketchy bar down a dark alley where the creepiest, dirtiest Germans go. Great White(he's important later) meets a weird guy in the bar wearing a dark trench coat who's selling some hashish. The "large" group of about a dozen people freaked out the guy. He responds by doing a downward cross-slash with his two sharpened-pinky fingers towards Great White, lightly cutting his stomach (accidentally), and shouting, "Slizer!"(We would quote this throughout the rest of the trip). Tiger Shark(also important later) gets angry with the man who promptly apologizes for the little incident. great White orders himself some absinthe to lighten up a bit. He's curious about the drink having heard the stories of the "green fairy," but proceeds to drink the freshly extinguished, sugary liquor. He burns his mouth on the hot liquid as it goes down and soon afterward is messed up. Apparently they served the good stuff. The group somehow manages to altogether stumble back to the inn around 2:30 a.m. I know because I awoke when Ivan came back. He wasn't noisy drunk or anything, I just sleep lightly in a new places.

To be continued in Part 2: München Paradise!

Tales of My Adventures

As I write this, it is a scant 12 days remaining until my 21st birthday. In accordance with this, I have decided to keep a record of my previous and future exploits here in narrative form similar to one Tucker Max. Though my adventures may not be quite as epic and quoted like Tucker, I still feel that my stories are good enough to share for both my own pleasure to tell the them and your enjoyment in reading them. Feel free to leave any comments on anything you see or read here.

The stories will start with my 2 week excursion through Europe in the summer of '07...

Monday, March 26, 2007

CA Speedway - Infield

Well, I had a great time at the ol' Speedway racing against some really fast competition. It really put things into perspective for me as to just how much less skill I have compared to the other drivers. But conversely, I didn't spin out like almost everyone else did! I'll try to get the vids up soon.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007


I've noticed that my last video has a weird playback. It is not your computer nor the internet, the file itself is like that. The raw footage is fine but I have encountered an error encoding the video. I have also found the same thing in my newest video. Therefore, there will be a delay on the new video and I will try to redo the Horse Thief Mile Video; but I'll leave it up for those who may not mind.

Hopefully this issue is not related to my recent computer problems that have sprung up since Nov. In the meantime I'll leave a link to some coo vids from the peopole down at bimmerfest. I'll be attending this year and try to bring back some good footage for you all (assuming there even is an all to speak

bimmerfest videos on youtube:

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

*Exotic Car Run Detail*

To those who are in the know: There's some Eurobeat background in the Exotic Car Run Clips.